videogames addiction and denial problem
Miscellaneous Forums/General Discussion/videogames addiction and denial problem
hi all,
longer time listerner, first time caller.
Any advice on what to do when partners have videogame (specifically mmorpg) addiction.
I've been going out with my girlfriend now for four months and things have been going mostly fine till recently. Recently she's been spending more and more time playing rpg's and it's starting to interfere with our relationship.
for example, if I say that spending four or five hours playing games without a break is bad, then she gets really defensive about it, and accuses me me of trying to control her life and making out that games are a waste of time.
I don't think games are a waste of time, it's only that I know I failed at university because I played games to much, and I'm really worried of her falling into the same trap. But whenever I try to explain that to her, she just blows up at me and says that it's her spare time, and if she wants to spend all her time playing games and nothing else then that's up to her, she even said the other day that if she didn't have to go to work, then she'd probably play for eight or nine hours a day, every single day of the week.
What should I do? Am I over-reacting here?
p.s. when we talk on the phone, all she seems to talk about is what she's playing on the PC and nothing else. i.e. me: "how darling what you been up to lately?"
her: "I'm really great, I've not eaten any food today, but I have levelled up and I'm trying to buy a new plus item off someguy for my level 112 archer, isn't that great?"
me: "ur, yeah okay, well as long as you're okay".
Sorry I would answer this but I've just got to level up and find a way out of this dungeon......die you filthy goblin scum...
Tell her you don't like the person she's become, then dump her.
The reaction she gives you after that will be a clear indication of how much you mean to her.
well, I'm definitely not going to dump her over it. But it's so annoying when I end up eating on my own 'cause she wants that extra twenty minutes on conquer or flyff when she's already been on it for over three hours.
we're meant to be moving in together soon but I can't help feeling that it's going to feel like I'm living on my own.
a)How long you been seeing her?
b)what do you get out of the relationship?
c)Can you get another girlfriend?
if you answer a) a few months b) not much c) yeah.. then dump her
if you answer a) a few months b) not much c) no chance.. then DON'T dump her.
Why waste your time with someone you've seen for 4 months, it seems like she's already bored of your company :(
a)4 months
b)aside from the obvious, she's normally fun to be with, we go to the cinema, go out with friends to parties, we're planning to go to the gym together on a regular basis soon.
c)I've been single for nearly the last five years, so no, not really.
p.s. when asked why she has to spend three hours or more on games, she says it's because there's good items to find that might upgrade her character/weapons/etc... She also doesn't beleive that over 30 hours of gaming a week is bad.
MMO addiction is normally looked at from the perspective of the wife who loses their husband.
MMO 'addiction' is real, even though it isn't a real addiction. Ask her, very calmly, if she still has fun playing the game, or if she has begun to feel obligated to her clan/guild or obligated to make 'progress'... it is the obligation that is the biggest fuel for the addiction, as it isn't fun anymore after a while.
On the bright side, being able to put the effort into the characters required to level them up to the max, means she is dedicated...
Unfotunately, MMOs can't just be 'cut back on'... You lose track of time. Those 5 hours seem like 30 mins to her, because a lot of the game has become like driving a car. Or doing some other task you can religate to he lower levels of your conciousness...
Its a trance, almost.
If it upsets you enough to talk about it here, I would suggest you talk to her about it frankly. If the 2 of you are actually close and don't have this big fake relationship wall between you. (you know, where she always has on makeup and you don't fart in front of her) then she'll prolly accept what you are telling her.... Tell her that the game is starting to ruin your relationship. That it IS that bad... Maybe get a bunch of people together for a party, all people who think she is spending too much time, and have an intervention.
I used to play Ultima Online. However, I can't blame it for me flunking out of school... It was only one factor in 100.
However, when I was in highschool, I was even more addicted than your GF. I spent all my time at home playing UO, and I spent all all my waking time at school thinking about UO, and I slept at school... In the morning, at lunch, sometimes class, studyhall.
Then I'd go home and play again all night... and play the whole weekend straight through, with only a little sleep when my body shut down... and I felt bad about the sleeping.
Only reason I stopped was my dad wouldn't pay for anymore months. I only played the game for a month or 2 I guess.. But I really don't know.
(you know, where she always has on makeup and you don't fart in front of her)
Quote of the moment!
Don't stay with someone just because you think you can't get someone else. If you do that it's just a matter of time before they dump you or start treating you really badly (which she already is by the sound of it). Unless you're the hunchback of Notre Dame there'll be someone else for you, so keep your dignity intact and don't let yourself be walked all over!
Tell her that what she's doing is upsetting you. If she's so much more interested in the game than in you that she doesn't care about upsetting you, then the writing's on the wall, I'm afraid.
actually, there's another reason I don't want to dump her over it, and that's that she's suffered from depression a lot in the past, and I think playing mmorpg's is simply a way of dealing with this, although she'll not admit that.
http://www.gamerwidow.com/scottstory.php This article was kind of an interesting read.
I have no advice for you, but to talk to her. And maybe, if you can afford it, you should try going away somewhere together where there is no computer or internett connection, preferably for more than a week so she gets time to adjust. Might help her see things differently.
well I've been pretty addicted to games/Internet in the past but I've turned out OK, gibber. She might get bored of this MMORPG. So you are not interested in joining in then? I actually played most of the Baldurs Gate games with my partner and it was cool, except for when we argued over party battle tactics.
it's partly that I've been really addicted to games before, and looking back on that time I really really ashamed of how I let everything else in life go, such as studies at uni, my social life, writing my own games, etc.... so I don't want to see her ending up wasting her life the way I did mine.
Oh for gods sake. Move in together, get a good local network. And play the same bloody games. End of
How come you say first time caller yet have 500+ posts?
meant to sound like a radio caller, and cause I've not posted on here for about a year....
just started a few new projects though so should be more active on here over the next few months
Hi Andy, good to see you back.
Quick question - if it was you playing video games all day and your g/f complaining about it, that'd be "the norm", right? Personally I think it makes a nice change for things to be the other way around.
On a more productive note, surely you have other things in common so maybe do something together to draw her attention away from the PC for a while. A holiday or something.... I dunno her so that bit's up to you.
What H&K said. There's that, or get her hooked on something more addictive, like crack or heroine. Soon enough she won't have time to play video games anymore.
Level up your girlfriend's socialability skill.
What game is she playing? ragnarok ?
You know... becoming addicted to the same game might not be a bad idea... well... until you need money... O.o...
I GOT QUOTE OF THE MOMENT! CYGNUS, I AM NOT WORTHY!
Distract her with some sexy outfits...
...Or...
Wear *her* sexy outfits...That'll distract her!
...Or...
hide a raw prawn somewhere in her gaming room.
we're meant to be moving in together soon
Don't do it until she's reformed. I'd also recommend breaking up (hell that's the first conclusion girlie mags always jump to, why not here?). Enay is right - her reaction to that will tell you exactly what she thinks of you. If she chooses the game over you, would you really want to continue wasting your time with her?!?
Addiction is not something you can reason with - generally the only way addicts pull their acts together and keep it that way is when they've realised that it screwed up their life. Anyone who interferes before they've made that realisation is NEVER treated favourably, no matter how good the intentions were.
On the other hand it might be something she gets out of her system in a month's time and she realises what a patient partner she has in you...
PLEASE DON'T say she is playing any of the games and associating herself with that 'Marvel' character that was on here the other day!!!! LMAO, talk about the most deluted person I have ever see!!!!
"Well, since I am not to return, let me tell you how I am about to rob this bank <removes profile email and url link>, here is my grand skeeme" ROFL!!!!!!!
Wow, just wow!!!!!
Wow, Enay has become a bitter soul!
Wow, Enay has become a bitter soul!
What do you mean 'become'?
Intervention ?
<shiver> Brrr! </shiver>
I haven't written any (non-web) code in months. What's the chances that a bunch of you guys will come round to my house and tie me to my keyboard until I do some programming ?
In the name of Sibly, I compel you!
By the power of Blitz, I compel you!
etc.
@telesto:
one word.... "prenup"
... OK, more words - make sure you mark your name in all your books and CDs before moving in, because at least then you get to feel justifiably bitter when you lose all your stuff when this thing crashes and burns.
Oh - and congratulations on, y'know, stuff!
P.S. You don't need to worry that you will feel 'lonely' as a result of the current situation - you can always sign up to 'adult dating sites' and spend long evenings swapping aimless inuendo with millions of other Internet widow(er)s
ENAY got bitter about 6months-a year ago.
Probly got dumped! LOL
Id say dump her.
Because if she moves in she will probly get pregnant and she wont want to look after the baby. Then you will get stuck with it all day and night.