Completely Insane Code

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Nilium
 #1
Post your completely insane code here.

My 'entry':
L33tify$(ins$)
Function L33tify$(ins$)
	Local outs$ = ""
	ins = ins.Replace("cks","x").Replace("oh my god","omgz")
	For Local x:Int = 0 To ins.Length-1
		Local i$ = ins[x..x+1]
		Select i.ToLower()
			Case " "
			outs:+"   "
			Case "a"
			outs:+" 4"
			Case "b"
			outs:+" 8"
			Case "c"
			outs:+" ("
			Case "d"
			outs:+" |]"
			Case "e"
			outs:+" 3"
			Case "f"
			outs:+" F"
			Case "g"
			outs:+" 6"
			Case "h"
			outs:+" ]-["
			Case "i"
			outs:+" 1"
			Case "j"
			outs:+" _|"
			Case "k"
			outs:+" |<"
			Case "l"
			outs:+" |_"
			Case "m"
			outs:+"|\/|"
			Case "n"
			outs:+" |\|"
			Case "o"
			outs:+" 0"
			Case "p"
			outs:+" |>"
			Case "q"
			outs:+" <|"
			Case "r"
			outs:+" |2"
			Case "s"
			Select Rand(1,2)
				Case 1
				outs:+" 5"
				Case 2
				outs:+" Z"
			End Select
			Case "t"
			outs:+" 7"
			Case "u"
			outs:+" |_|"
			Case "v"
			outs:+" \/"
			Case "w"
			outs:+" \/\/"
			Case "x"
			outs:+" ><"
			Case "y"
			outs:+" `/"
			Case "z"
			outs:+" Z"
			Case "!"
			Select Rand(0,5)
				Case 1
					outs:+"ONE"
				Case 2
					outs:+"1"
				Default
					outs:+"!"
			End Select
			Default
			outs:+" "+i
		End Select
	Next
	Return outs
End Function


Cygnus
 #2
YEAH! Human English to Haxxornoob species language Translator :D