The barbed wire going across the wall doesn't look good because it appears cartoon-like over a clearly photorealistic backdrop.
That's true - it doesnt have any "depth". It was a quick hack and I have to do it more "realistic" with metal specular etc so that it don't look so "flat" and cartoonish.
And it makes no sense that the wall would have an indentation running right behind it either.
IRL yes - but it has hidden meanings... :)
The text is worst of all. It looks cheesy. It would look better without the highlight. I think I'd cut the width of the text by a third. And maybe make it black instead of red. And maybe try making it look like a decal on the wall.
:) It has to be red, and look like blood. And I like big titles. :) I tried the decal option but it's not what I want... and the it can be bit cheesy too, because-- [can't say, it would reveal too much].
But the design of something angled going down the wall I think looks good. And the indentations look good, even though they make no sense.
Yup - divides the area nicely and makes the screen more "alive". I also loosely tried to follow the "The Golden Section" rules...
Perhaps the answer is to get rid of the barbed wire, and the indentation, and instead have chipped concrete bulletholes going along that line, but at a bit steeper of an angle.
Bulletholes are so cliche... thought that, and decided not to.
Maybe then put more realistic barbed wirse going over that, at the current angle, and casting a slightly blurred shadow onto the wall below it, at a distance which makes it appear to be a few inches in front of the wall. I'd make that manually and change it's angle a bit after offseting it to make the wire appear to be closer to the wall on the left side than the right to add a bit more variation.
That might work, have to try it.
I presume this is a menu screen of some kind. I'd put the menu in the lower right side of the screen.
Yes, and I said so in the first post :) Right side is quite logical place to put the stuff in, depending how much text there will be in the end.